To make things worse, I felt terrible because I thought that because I am an expert in my field, managing employees would come easy... second nature....after all, I was known as a natural born leader. Truth be told, absent a framework, relating to employees is not a second nature skill at all. I felt even worse about the situation because I knew my direct reports were amazing individuals that were dedicated to their work, their role and cared for the employees but I had yet to connect to them in a meaningful way- in the way it would allow their growth and development at work . I felt like I had failed everyone.
The problem was that I was using incorrect relational tools... let me explain. I was being friendly towards them instead of just being kind; I was being bossy instead of being firm; I was being compassionate instead of being empathic and, finally, instead of being mindfully detached I was getting caught up in office drama.
Which meant what I was expecting from the relationship I was building with my direct reports was totally off cue... in turn, it was impossible for me to set a standard as to how they needed to relate to the employees they were supervising. After all, one loses all moral ground when one demands -by subjugation- everything that one is incapable of relationally achieving with the employees one supervises. But the situations were getting out of control. I remember one time when one of my direct reports was bouncing off the walls and wanted to discipline an employee because she took 3 minutes to obey her order!
Then, as if by chance, something transformational was happening in my life...
I noticed that a series of emotional intelligence skills I had been learning sort of consolidated in my relational toolkit. You see, I had been taking courses and getting certified in mindfulness, positive discipline and motivation by appreciation. I also learned all about having difficult conversations because I was going through a very rough patch with a loved, close family member whom I wanted keep in my live. But the relationship was so strained I needed to find a way to relate in a healthy way. I quickly realized that three emotional intelligence skills used in tandem create relational magic!
It became crystal clear to me how to use the skills of respect, empathy and detachment as a perfect trinity, because I saw how they did not rely on familiarity or intimacy to generate effective interactions. I also learned that I did not have to try to change my direct report's personalities to lead them, you need to just use an interaction framework specifically designed for managers t instead.
As a result of the insights and gained experience I created a relational framework specifically for managers!
Once I taught the framework to my direct reports, I witnessed a shift in the attitude of the employees. Suddenly, we were finally turning the page on a toxic company culture and disengaged employees.
After creating R.E.D. Interpersonal Framework, I was not only able to lower the high turnover rate I inherited but I was able to improve employee engagement. I was also able to stop mediating office drama and disciplining employees and hiring new staff every couple of weeks, because we had, in fact, transformed the work environment.
So, here’s what I’ve got for you today...
